poetically pathetic -amber pacific
You know what’s hard? When, at the start of the day, you conditioned yourself that this would be a good day. All your energy is attuned to that thought. And then everything comes crumbling down. The sarcasm kicks. Just as fast as the day turns into night, everything backfires, and you’re left with nothing.
I just hate it when the world is filled with bad music. Bad taste. Bad timing. Bad proportion. Actually, no proportion. There’s always a better this, or larger that. There”s no exact amount of anything everywhere. It’s visually unsettling.
Is there actually a time where you just get tired of trying to be happy because of some random.. mundane things around? Like when you try to look for something more behind that randomness to cause you to be really happy. You know, happiness with substance.
Or is that asking for too much? That, the fact that the random and mundane makes you happy is enough? I was actually told that I ask too many questions. But isnt life all about questions? But I really dont think i ask too many questions, much more the right ones.
But you know what’s even harder? When everything crashes down, and then you expect that there will be anyone, someone to pick you up, dust your ass off, give you milk and cookies and tuck you to bed, but there’s no one. That feeling makes you want to turn off the instinct of wanting another person to share your life with. You think that its better to live off alone, without the opinion of anyone or the permission of someone. If its only possible to literally cut off people from your life, you would choose that option in the blink of an eye.
It sucks when you realize that there are more people with problems heavier and more significant than yours. Makes you feel real small and… insignificant. That you dont have the right to feel burdened because your problem is nothing compared to them.
It sucks when you realize that you are tired. That the only thing you desire right now is escape. Even though escape is impossible. And not only escape is impossible, in fact, everything seems to be impossible.
But you still refuse to be jaded. You know inside your guts that you still have high hopes for everything. Not only for yourself, but for everyone. Even though you’re not sure if everyone has high hopes for you.
And the only escape is sleep. Deep tired sleep. Just don’t think about tomorrow. For there’s still darkness to hide yourself from the rest of the world that only cares for what they see on the outside.
